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When a medium is speaking to your loved ones in spirit please be aware of two things. Firstly as soon as your loved ones dies and your are able to communicate with them straight after physical death depending on the deceased person's energy at that time. Bear in mind a person that has been ill may not have the energy to communicate. Then the lack of awareness of that person that has died so they need time to adjust to being a spirit. I had communication from someone that had died in a car crash right after her death as did her father. I have had my mother and other relatives contact me not long after death. Not so with me father though even though he is a psychic person too that used to astral travel. He had dementia so this would take him time to focus.
But once they move on into what most people believe is the spirit world, you are communicating with their essence only. Yes, the essence of the loved one has memories and communicates with you. I have often had people in spirit that are not at rest come to me including a a famous Australian singer who died in the early 80's. There should be a warm energy when spirit is present too. But not all spirits present this way. That will also depend on the medium's energy at the time of contact too because we are sometimes doing other things and not expecting contact. Or if we have not being doing mediumship for a little while, it takes a little bit of effort to tune in to the spirit's frequency.
How much that person is able to say is dependent on who is assisting them as they come through. I have seen what looked like men in black suits flanking my great grandmother when I was a small child. One does not forget such experiences ever. I have seen groups of people that were the families of the deceased come to lend their support and energy to the person in spirit (Essenes) speak to me. I don’t personally have the luxury of time to explore the theories as I am busy caring for my family.
Men tend to have more time to delve deeper into this but when delving into the spiritual realms one must proceed with caution. Not everything is what it seems to be and not all beings are honest either. Some may have an agenda and some may work in groups to mislead humanity. Always err on the side of caution and follow your intuition. When in doubt don't form an opinion it may lead to confusion and misunderstanding.
I don't care to get into the whole thing myself but I am a seriously cautious person when it comes to trust especially with the non physical worlds.