Laugh out loud Thursday

 

The first 70 years are too 🤣🤣😳

The Washington Post; Neologism contest

 Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

 

The winners are:

1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (N.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

 

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

 

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (N.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (V): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (N.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (N): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (N): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (V): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (N): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (N): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (N): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (N.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (V): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (N): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (N.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (N.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (N.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (N): A person who's both stupid and an asshole  

Some chuckles and a cringe

 

                                                  🤣🤣🤣 Oh my! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Start the weekend with a laugh

 

Lols for the weekend

 

Something every fur parent can relate to 🤣🤣🤣

Woman films a bear trapped inside a car wreaking havoc on the interior

 https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/woman-films-a-bear-trapped-inside-a-car-wreaking-havoc-on-the-interior/video/efa3ee74f0806c0d84a9ba9263e7f40e

Never mind does a bear poop in the woods, apparently they poop in your car too 💩💩🐻 I hope she had another (hire)car to drive home in. 

Cue the Australian play school intro…..there’s a bear in there 🎶🎶

A smirk rather than a laugh

 

You call it OCD.

 

That’s so me, the Virgo side of me is like a drill sergeant on steroid, if you screw with my order in my house. Regimentation! You mess with it and I mess with you 🤣🤣🤣 You may call it OCD but I call it you being sorry 🤣🤣 

Need a giggle or two?

 

Funny meme and memories

 This made me LOL, I remember many years ago when my house was being extended and at the end of a work day one of the tradies (tradesmen) had left our gate open. It was a cold winter night and I suddenly realised that out Jack Russell, Sparky was missing. 

His nickname was Puss, and that came about because as a puppy he had gone under my bed and wouldn’t come out. I was in a hurry to pick my small children up from school and this was just what I didn’t need.

So after trying to coax Sparky with different sounds I just went Puss, Puss, Puss and he came bolting out and ran to me. I laughed and thought, no way. So I did it again and sure enough he responded.

So after that we all called him Puss as his nickname. Anyway back to the story, this night he was missing in action, I went around the streets looking for him calling Puss, Puss, Puss. And all these cats came from all directions 🤣🤣🤣🐈. It’s amazing what we don’t know goes on after dark with animals. All of these cats around me, heaps of them. There is me saying, no I am not looking for you guys. 

Quickly distancing myself from all these cats that had been distracted from their nocturnal social activities. Eventually I decided to go home. And then I thought what about looking under the house. Sure enough. He was right at the little door trapped and waiting to be rescued. Poor little Sparky, he obviously had followed a tradie under the house at some point in the late afternoon and the man was unaware. 

Just as well it wasn’t summer, just imagine being in a small crawl space in shorts and a cold wet nose touches your read end. A sudden jolt in shock and a bang on the head from the wooden beams inches above you, lol. 

Showtime

 

Oh yeah! 🤣🤣

Astrology: Mercury Retrograde 2023

 https://www.farmersalmanac.com/mercury-retrograde

August 23 to 15 September and then December 13 to 1 January 2024. Hurumph! Just stay in bed. You just gotta laugh at these thing’s really even  though it can be very serious. 

I should just apologise now for what I might do or say before I do it 🤣🤣  that’s how it usually goes. Guaranteed, I will always be the person that steps in dog poo at any given time as it is, lol. 

Expect, mechanical, electrical and technology to go belly up. Foot in mouth syndrome; when we miscommunicate and general gremlins in our lives. Three week blocks of misery, yea boy! Notice it is also through Christmas time as well.  What a great Christmas present for everyone, how long before the fight starts? 

Whatever you do avoid playing monopoly because we all know what happens with that game 🤣🤣🤣 Someone wants Park Lane or Mayfair and it’s game on. Let’s not forget the full moon on top of this every month. 🤣🤣🤣

How to make a bad situation worse👍 follow me for more tips 👍

https://www.healthline.com/health/full-moon-effects

I prefer to keep a sense of humour at these times, ain’t nothing we can do about it other than just roll with it. Try to find some humour in the moment rather than go to ground with a FML outlook 🤦‍♀️ 

Silly Saturday

Actually this is incorrect, it was John Waters that was on play school. John Jarratt’s former wife Noni Hazelhurst was on play school too. The jokes loses its charm by this fact. 

 

Have a great weekend everyone, laugh out loud and laugh often, life’s too short so make sure you squeeze out some laughter.

Warm and fuzzy hugs 🤗 

Purple Death

 

Yeah, That would do it I recon. You go first 🍷

This reminds me of the old joke below

One lovely summer evening a man was walking down a countrylane, way down in the south of England in cider country. When a crazy and inebriated yokel farmer sprang out from the bushes; holding a flagon of cider in one hand and a pitchfork in the other. He approached the man in a terrifying  manner and would not let the poor man proceed any further.

Holding the man captive, the farmer held a pitchfork to the strangers throat and demanded he drink some of the contents of the flagon. The terrified stranger quiclky obliged the farmer and took a sip from the flagon. More, more, said the farmer. The cider was so strong it made the starnger giddy.

Then the farmer said, ok you can stop now. The farmer handed the stranger the pitchfork and took the flagon of cider back and said, Ok; you hold the pitchfork at my throat now and make me drink the cider.

Squirrel fakes death and injury

 

Credit to Cool Videos

This little guy looks like he is trying to scam an insurance company or he works out at the gym. Either way it’s a great video. I just love squirrels so I couldn’t resist this cutie. 

F***ing Zodiac Signs

 

A good guide to my astrology lessons, the cushy side of me loves the humour. 🤣🤣🤣

Ya got that right!

 Christ on a bike, ya got that right ladies! More like needing nerve tonic and a bloody good reason to hit the booze  after being face to face with a battle axe. Alcohol is a good solution to nightmares induced by these gargoyles 🤣🤣

Bottoms up 👍🥃🍷

Silly mood tonight!

 

Late week lols

And bears complain about their privacy!