They only think of this now! What about living in a household where there is a parent that is a narcissist? An abusive parent also programs their children to behave similarly in adulthood. Unless efforts are made by these children to break the cycle. Guaranteed that at least one child will repeat the abusive behaviour throughout their lives. Inter generational patterns continue and the children that are not abusive as adults can unconsciously be attracted to people that are narcissistic in nature without the non narcissistic adult being aware that they are gravitating toward a negative personality. Given that there are covert narcissists as well as overt narcissists it can be difficult for the non narcissistic people to identify the traits of a narcissist. Then learning how to identify and avoid such individuals. The steps to heal from the trauma is an even bigger challenge. Abuse is a very difficult thing to heal from and can take many years to heal if possible. The first step is recognising the abuse knowing that you are innocent of any wrongdoing.
You should not expect help from anyone in your family; because generally they will not be supportive, not wishing to be involved. They may even suggest that it's your own fault or say; I have never seen evidence to support what you say. That there is a sign of someone else who could fit the description of a possible candidate for mistreatment of others; or perhaps they are unaware of the real facts of events. Abuse is generally a repetitive pattern in the family unit. Then there are obviously people outside of the family that are abusive individual personality types; either in general society, school, the workplace and social settings. Either way they are dysfunctional people and should never be enabled to mistreat others around them.
The only reason they get away with it is because nobody wants to stand up to them, knowing that others will not have their back or take the attitude of; this is life in the real world so deal with it. It may be a reality of life but it doesn’t make it acceptable. It just allows for the perpetual cycle of abuse and suffering to continue.
Don’t think for one minute that employers, professionals such as teachers, councillors, psychologists and psychiatrists are not abusers either. This is in the human psyche in every corner of society globally. People are good at disguising themselves. Learning how to recognise the signs of an individual regardless of their occupation or social status and avoid them if possible. You have the right to be safe and comfortable regardless of whether you are in your own home, workplace, school or in general public places. You don’t need permission from anyone to be safe and secure without fear of being abused and mistreated by anyone.
If your family or friends don’t have your back then they are not the people to be around. However that is not easy when you’re dealing with family, but with friends and associates you can make the choice to avoid being in the company of an abusive person. A workplace again should be a safe space but in reality, we know that things usually don’t change, but you can learn how to handle some situations, by learning how to stand up for yourself in a constructive manner and not inflaming the situation. It’s not easy but with careful thought you can make some progress.
The golden rule is never be alone with any abusive person, always stay where others can see and hear what is being said, especially in the workplace or social situations. That way it is not your word against the abuser’s you have witnesses when you are not alone with the abuser. But remember if you are at work and it is a supervisor that is the bully, you have every right to have a supportive person with you. Never go into the abuser/bully’s office alone! Take a work colleague with you for support and advice.
