28 February, 2024

Happy 60th Birthday to my dear husband, well it should be

Today is my dear husband’s 60th birthday, yet we can’t celebrate, he is currently in hospital again today. He has been unwell for a few days unable to keep any food or fluids down. Not that he is able to eat very much in recent times as it is. On top of that we learned two weeks ago he has even more health problems. He was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm in his left ventricle in his heart and diabetes. 

As I have said before, I live in permanent fight or flight mode for many years because the moment I relax something bad happens. I  am taking about a few weeks or a couple of months between the bad  luck striking. This has been the story of our marriage of 35 years, how much more can we take of this heartache? 

Something always happens without fail that just destroys any little bit of happiness for us in the blink of an eye. Today my husband was also seeing a heart specialist when he collapsed in the doctors office at the hospital, and he didn’t have any heart problems until a few weeks ago, then suddenly we find out about this aortic aneurysm.We try not to stress about it because that can aggravate the situation for my husband. 

Try avoiding stress with multiple serious illnesses and then find out that you have this on top of the other problems is a bloody big tall order. It’s like the universe is trying to destroy him and any hope for happiness. 

I don’t make plans for the future like other people because I have learned a long time ago that everything comes crashing down and we are back to the same situation again and again. So I take one day at a time and I never make plans because there is no point. 

All I wanted today, was for my husband to have a nice quiet birthday celebration at home. On his 60th birthday but again that chance has been taken away from us. We are quiet living people and tend to keep to ourselves, but even still life keeps kicking us in the guts to breaking point time and time again.

I can be thankful that he will be home later this afternoon or evening after going through some rather horrible medical intervention, but that just ruins the entire day for us. 

Update; Friday 1 March , 2.30 am  this morning I had to call an ambulance for my husband, he was in severe pain and unable to breathe. Things took a turn for the worse, he will be staying in hospital for a little bit longer. The care he is receiving is outstanding too. I pray that things get sorted out once and for all. He can’t go on like this. I have been awake since 2.15 am and it’s now 7.49 am. There is no way that I can sleep now, so it’s just get on with my day and sleep later. 

‘Relentless’: Expat’s hilarious outback clip