14 June, 2022

Yorkshire Obituary joke

 A couple from the Yorkshire Dales had been happily married for over 50 years when the wife died.

The husband contacted the local newspaper to enquire about having an obituary on published. When informed of the cost by the newspaper office, the man uttered, in true Yorkshire fashion, “How Much?! You've got to be joking!!” He finally agreed he would have to pay something but wanted to spend as little as possible. “I want summat simple,” he explained. “My Gladys was a good-hearted and hard-working Yorkshire lass but she wouldn't have wanted owt swanky.”
“Perhaps a small poem?" suggested the woman at the newspaper obituary desk.
“Nay, lass,” he said, “she wouldn't have wanted anything la-di-Da like that. And she wouldn't have wanted me to spend too much brass. How's about we just say: "Gladys Ramsbottom died."
“You must say when she died,” insisted the lady in the office.
“Do I? OK, well, let's just put Died 17th Jan 2016. That'll do.”
“OK," said the newspaper lady, "but it's also usual for the bereaved to add some meaningful phrase about the dearly departed.”
The husband considered for a moment. “Well," he said, "just include Sadly missed. That'll do.”
“For the minimum price, you can have another four words included,” the woman explained.

“No, no,” the husband said. "Gladys wouldn't 'ave wanted me to splash out like that."
“You wouldn't have to. As I've just explained, the extra four words are included in the basic price.”
“Are they? You mean ... I will 'ave paid for 'em anyway?”
“Yes, indeed, Mr Ramsbottom.”
“Well, if I'm paying for 'em, I'm darned well 'avin 'em.”
The final wording was agreed and the following obituary was duly printed in the next day's edition of the Yorkshire Post.

 Gladys Ramsbottom died 17th January 2016. Sadly missed. Also tractor for sale.


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